i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
smell my finger.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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