I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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