Porn is love you can see.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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