my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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