Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
