Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
