she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
