My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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