her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
