I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
