nut hugger
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
