we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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