I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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