I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
