I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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