We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
