dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
how drunk are you?
Several
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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