U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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