I wish my penis had an off switch
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just cropdusted the office
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We have so much sex to catch up on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
