I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish you could order shots online.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
