i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
