i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
