that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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