She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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