Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
