Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
