Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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