he referred to my room as the tit cave...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
