I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
