we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
