I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize