3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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