The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
