Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
