happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
