if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
