haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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