it wasn't lemon gatorade
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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