porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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