Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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