What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
