Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
