There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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