her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
