Yo dont text me then not text me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
