new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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