I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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