Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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