I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
