I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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