I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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