So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
