Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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