Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
