All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
