Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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