I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
