Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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