Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
