come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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