I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
