Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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