My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
