i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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